Re-make / Re-model

0:00 Lee Evening and welcome to horror.

0:00 Chris I'm Chris.

0:00 Adam I'm Adam.

0:00 Jennifer I'm Jennifer.

0:00 Lee Uh, we are here for episode 250.

0:00 Lee Somehow, I haven't worked out yet, but we're still here.

0:00 Adam Woohoo. Where did that come from?

0:00 Lee Um, so we decided to do something a bit different for episode 250, and funnily enough, Adam and I ended up thinking of almost exactly the same thing.

0:00 Lee Um, but Adam managed to put a slightly more exciting, uh, twist on it. Adam, would you like to tell them what we're going to be doing this evening?

0:00 Adam Well, for a start, I'm calling this episode Remake Remodel because then I can use the Roxy Music track on the Instagram post.

0:01 Adam That's just, that was just a thing anyway.

0:01 Adam But basically, we're looking at, we're looking for, uh, a film to remake, but the crucial thing is, it's not a horror film, but we're making it as a horror film.

0:01 Adam And you get full fantasy casting, um, you know, whatever you want, directors, cast, writers, music, whatever you fancy.

0:01 Adam Um, I think as I put it in the chat was, if you think John Waters can do a really good horror version of the Minecraft movie with music by Chas and Dave, we'll do it.

0:01 Chris Hey.

0:01 Lee That sounds good. I like that.

0:01 Lee Right, so, to kick us off, Adam, as this was your idea, would you like to go first?

0:01 Adam Okie dokie, then.

0:01 Adam Well, I've, this is, weirdly enough, this was something where I, because at one point I was thinking, do I do the Are You Being Served movie, but recast it with Hammer veterans and stuff like that.

0:02 Adam But, uh, I decided, I decided against that.

0:02 Adam But, um, basically, so, uh, outside of, outside of horror, I, uh, I do always, I like a good, um, I like a good gangster movie.

0:02 Adam Um, and so I've gone with, uh, The Long Good Friday, which in its original form is Bob Hoskins as a gangland boss who's trying to cult some mafia guys to go in with him on a development of Docklands.

0:02 Adam Um, as it turns out, other criminals were involved in the development of Docklands, they didn't need a fictitious one to come in.

0:02 Adam Um, but, um, uh, but unfortunately, he comes a cropper with the IRA, and, uh, it all sort of goes pear-shaped from there, and over the course of like a couple of days or the, the titular Long Good Friday, uh, his empire is burnt down around him.

0:03 Adam Uh, so I've sort of, uh, it's a film I really love, but I've thought to myself, well,

0:03 Adam What about the Long Good Beltane?

0:03 Lee Hey.

0:03 Adam And basically, in this version, it's similar sort of thing, you've got this gangster who's come a cropper, but he's come a cropper with a group of cultists.

0:03 Lee Ooh.

0:03 Adam And it involves various sort of like summonings of demons, uh, horrible sacrifices, and so on and so forth, and it's just sort of, uh, similar sort of theme, but spiraling out into far weirder territory as far as I'm concerned.

0:03 Adam Um, so, um, I, there was, uh, so I've gone with, uh, in terms of casting, for Harold Shand, which was Bob Hoskins' part in the original, I've gone with Tom Hardy.

0:03 Adam Because he's just great, and I think he sort of excels in those sort of roles anyway.

0:04 Lee Yeah, absolutely.

0:04 Adam In the, in the original, his, uh, his girlfriend is portrayed by Helen Mirren, um, and that character Victoria.

0:04 Adam I've gone with Anya Taylor-Joy because she's just the patron saint of the podcast as it is anyway.

0:04 Adam But also I feel she would do the same sort of thing, because in the film, Helen Mirren's very sort of like refined and respectable, but clearly smart and is an integral part of the operation that Bob Hoskins is running, and more to the point, is the one person who can make him fucking see sense.

0:04 Adam Yeah, when he's going fucking wild.

0:04 Adam So I thought that was it.

0:04 Adam Uh, also in that, you've got Jeff, who is the treacherous apprentice, who it turns out was the one who, spoilers for people who haven't seen the fucking Long Good Friday, but he, he basically is the nub of the problem.

0:04 Adam Um, but I've gone with, uh, Freddie Fox, because I just think he's very good, he's just very good at playing sort of either are you innocuously innocent or are you up to something?

0:05 Lee Yeah.

0:05 Adam And it's sort of, you know, so.

0:05 Adam Um, and then, uh, in the original, there's Razors, played by, uh, P.H. Moriarty, who is Harold's right-hand man.

0:05 Adam Uh, and jobs for the boys here, I've gone with Andrew Elias.

0:05 Lee Oh, yes. Yes. shit hot at it.

0:05 Adam He's got the right sort of, he would be the, because that's the kind of thing that goes on in that, is you've got this character Jeff who's sort of like quite a well-educated, uh, you know, sort of not atypical for a gangster, and then you've got Razors, who is clearly old school and sort of, you know, a right nasty bastard.

0:05 Adam And even though Andrew Elias is an absolutely lovely man, boy can he play a bastard, so I've gone, I've gone with him for that.

0:05 Adam Um, as Parky, the bent copper, who's in, uh, Harold's pocket, I've gone with Maxine Peake.

0:06 Adam Mostly because I want to hear her voice when she says, are you telling me you're driving around with a bleating bomb in your car, Harold?

0:06 Adam And, you know, because I mean that's the thing, is the Long Good Friday is, it's a great film, but it's also got so many fucking killer lines in it, and I think they would, you know, I think, and, um, there's also the corrupt counselor who he's working with to try and get the deal for the construction of all this sort of property deal and everything else like that.

0:06 Adam And I've gone with Steve Pemberton.

0:06 Lee Hmm.

0:06 Adam Um, and then the two Mafia guys who come over, I've got, I'm fucking sick of the Mafia, so I've decided to reunite Keith David and Daniel Kaluuya as two American gangsters coming over.

0:06 Adam And Keith David would just be perfect, because in, in the film it's Charlie, played by Eddie Constantine, and it's like, he barely raises his voice, but he is clearly such a scary, powerful fucker, where it's like, you know, he's avuncular and polite the whole way through, but it's like, don't fuck with him, because this is, and I think, yeah.

0:07 Adam So, and obviously to a certain extent, reuniting Steve Pemberton with Daniel Kaluuya as well.

0:07 Adam So.

0:07 Adam Um, then in the film, the IRA are kind of faceless, but I would want to emphasize more that the cult have a, um, sort of leader or whatever like that, and I've gone with Michelle Gomez.

0:07 Adam Yeah, because I think she just is unhinged and terrifying in all the right ways.

0:07 Adam Uh, and, um, and finally there's a character called Errol, who's an informant, again, jobs for the boys, I've gone with Tom Rutter.

0:07 Lee Excellent. Oh, God, yeah, now I want to see this.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam I, and, um, so, um, I thought it's, it's in same sort of territory as a lot of stuff that he does, and I think he would bring the humor as well as the, the sort of harshness to it, so, I want it directed by Ben Wheatley.

0:07 Lee Yeah, nice.

0:07 Adam That's good.

0:07 Lee Okay.

0:07 Adam Yep.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Oh, no, I'm sorry.

0:07 Adam I'm sorry.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Okay, that's fine.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam No.

0:07 Adam No, that's fine.

0:07 Adam Yeah, he would be great.

0:07 Lee Excellent, yeah.

0:07 Adam Okay, no.

0:07 Adam Okay.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Yeah, that's fine.

0:07 Adam No.

0:07 Adam Um, yeah, and music.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Okay.

0:07 Adam Music?

0:07 Adam I'm going Barry Adams, I'm doing a bit of a Jodorowsky here.

0:07 Adam Uh, yeah.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Okay.

0:07 Adam I'm going to go Barry Adamson.

0:07 Adam I'm doing a bit of a Jadorewski here.

0:07 Adam So, Barry Adamson for all the gangland bits.

0:07 Adam And then, again, friends of the friends of the show, English Heretic for all the cult and weird and psychedelic bits and stuff like that, I think it would just be, yeah.

0:07 Adam So, I present to you the Long Good Beltane.

0:07 Lee Hey!

0:07 Chris Hey.

0:07 Lee Excellent, that's great.

0:07 Adam Love it.

0:07 Jennifer 10 out of 10 for the name, I think, as well, yeah.

0:07 Adam Yeah.

0:07 Adam Thank you.

0:07 Lee Um, Jennifer, would you like to go next?

0:07 Jennifer Um, yeah, if you don't mind, now Adam has sort of set the tone, and I, you know, get a feel for how we're doing this, that was rather marvelous.

0:07 Jennifer Right.

0:08 Jennifer Um, so, I of course am going with my favorite film ever, which is Gone With The Wind.

0:08 Chris Yes.

0:08 Lee Hey.

0:08 Jennifer Um, and listeners might not know it, but that's fine, this might encourage them to go and watch the original rather than my version, that obviously won't ever happen.

0:08 Jennifer Um, but yes, so the original, uh, 1939, uh, when it was released.

0:08 Jennifer Uh, they used, I think it was only three Technicolor, um, cameras that were in existence at the time to film it.

0:08 Jennifer So, massive, um, you know, one loads of awards, just, just massive scale doing everything.

0:08 Jennifer Um, it is about four hours long, as well.

0:08 Jennifer So, you know, a lot goes on in it.

0:08 Jennifer Basically, Scarlett O'Hara is the sort of, you know, heroine, um, and she goes through or lives through the war.

0:08 Jennifer Uh, this is, let me see, I'm not very good on my wars.

0:08 Jennifer Uh, the Yankees versus the Confederates.

0:08 Adam It's, it's the Civil, the American Civil War, isn't it?

0:08 Jennifer Thank you, of course it is, yes.

0:08 Jennifer Um, yeah, um, and lots happens.

0:08 Jennifer Basically, she survives till the end, which means, in my version, she must be a witch.

0:08 Lee Yes.

0:08 Chris Yes.

0:08 Jennifer Yes. I was starting thinking vampires, I was like, no, the things she does, definitely a witch.

0:08 Jennifer Um, she's obviously beautiful, uh, played by Vivian Leigh.

0:08 Jennifer And she, um, in a nutshell, some of the witchy things at the start, all the men are in love with her.

0:08 Jennifer She has them falling at her feet, so obviously love potions are involved there.

0:08 Jennifer Um, two of her husbands die, um, so again, she's obviously caused that.

0:09 Lee Yeah.

0:09 Jennifer Um, in return though, because we know you can't do bad magic without it coming back at you, her own daughter does die later on.

0:09 Jennifer Um, and she meets Rhett Butler, who must be a warlock.

0:09 Jennifer Because, he's the only man/warlock in my version who can actually kind of hold his own to her.

0:09 Jennifer Yeah, so a lot of the film is their relationship, and neither of them kind of come out of it unscathed.

0:09 Jennifer Um, so therefore I decided he must be able to counter her magic spells.

0:09 Jennifer Um, examples of magic throughout, I've decided.

0:09 Jennifer Uh, they managed to drive through the burning of Atlanta, so obviously that wouldn't happen if you weren't magic in some way.

0:09 Jennifer Uh, she manages to shoot and kill a Yankee, despite having any gun skills or anything else.

0:09 Jennifer Um, and her home, which is called Tara, that she absolutely loves, is still standing at the end of the war, and she goes back there.

0:09 Jennifer So, um, you know, must be something magic going on there.

0:09 Jennifer Um, she's a midwife at one point in the film, she helps another woman give birth, so that's a witchy thing.

0:09 Lee Oh, yeah.

0:09 Adam Oh, yeah.

0:09 Jennifer Um, growing plants, so she starts growing cotton again, because again that was that era.

0:09 Jennifer Um, a hat, there's an excellent scene where she gets a lovely, lovely green velvet hat.

0:09 Jennifer Doesn't look like a witch's hat, but I think it could be.

0:09 Jennifer Um, and I couldn't find a broom link.

0:09 Jennifer But she does run a sawmill at some point, and what would you make in a sawmill?

0:09 Jennifer But wooden things like broomsticks.

0:09 Lee Like broomsticks, yeah.

0:09 Jennifer Yes.

0:09 Jennifer So that's all of the sort of witchy things generally.

0:10 Jennifer Um, and then also I thought I'll just bring in, so there's any spells involved in it.

0:10 Jennifer So, uh, the the famous line by Rhett Butler is, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

0:10 Jennifer And damn, of course, was a curse word back in 1939 when it was used, the censors were up in arms, oh, disgraceful.

0:10 Lee Yeah.

0:10 Jennifer So that's your curse.

0:10 Jennifer And Scarlett has a lot of odd things she says, my favorite one is, "Fiddle-dee-dee."

0:10 Jennifer Now, if that's not a, you know, some sort of magic spell, I don't know what it is.

0:10 Adam It's got, it's got the, it's got the words, hasn't it?

0:10 Jennifer Yeah.

0:10 Jennifer So, yeah, um, and then all this, the backdrop would be the Confederates would be zombies, the Yankees would be werewolves, because they pretty much win, so they're obviously more violent, um, whereas the Confederates just get, you know, blown away.

0:10 Jennifer Um, yeah, and I think probably that is my kind of whistle stop tour of Gone With The Wind.

0:10 Chris If this was released, would anyone ever watch Gone With The Wind again?

0:10 Jennifer Um, yes, I think we'll stand out, but I think mine might put a twist on it.

0:10 Jennifer Oh, and for the cast, it would have to be the original cast, because of course we could bring them back using black magic.

0:10 Adam Exactly.

0:10 Jennifer Um, and they would be perfect in those roles, as they were at the time, even if they were playing it as, you know, witches and warlocks.

0:10 Adam Could they, would they, would they have filmed it concurrently on the same set?

0:10 Adam So like the Spanish Dracula with the universal, you know, they did like the dark side of Gone With The Wind at night, they did that one, and then during the day.

0:10 Adam I mean the, I mean, it was the 1930s, everyone was allowed to take speed medically, so they'd be fine.

0:11 Jennifer Yeah, they would have just worked right through, you're right.

0:11 Jennifer Yes.

0:11 Jennifer Marvellous.

0:11 Lee Nice.

0:11 Jennifer Thank you, thank you.

0:11 Adam That's fantastic.

0:11 Adam It does, it, it also, like you say, it does sort of explain quite a lot of the longevity in that film if it's like, you've been through a lot here.

0:11 Lee Yeah.

0:11 Adam And, you know, raw luck doesn't seem to cut it in that way.

0:11 Jennifer Exactly.

0:11 Jennifer Oh, and one more thing I just saw I had written down, she does throughout as well appear as the, uh, the maiden, the mother, and then the crone.

0:11 Lee Oh, yeah.

0:11 Jennifer Because you obviously see her through her life.

0:11 Jennifer So, you know, she's a lovely young girl at the very start, then she gets married, has a child, and then at the end she's gone through all of this terrible, you know, heartache and everything else, and, you know, takes to alcohol and is a bit crone-like.

0:11 Jennifer So, yeah, there we go.

0:11 Lee Good.

0:11 Adam Yeah.

0:11 Lee Good.

0:11 Adam That's fantastic.

0:11 Lee Good job. Thank you.

0:11 Lee Um, Chris, your turn to follow that, I'm afraid.

0:11 Chris Yeah, well,

0:11 Chris unfortunately, uh, Adam completely ruined mine by taking almost like 99% of what I'd thought up.

0:11 Adam I know.

0:11 Chris Aside from, aside from the film, everything else exactly the same.

0:11 Chris So, as I don't have time to rewrite it all.

0:11 Jennifer Well, which he is, isn't we then?

0:11 Chris Well, we're not quite which, yeah.

0:11 Chris Uh, so, so I loved my idea, it's Groundhog Day.

0:11 Lee Oh.

0:11 Adam Hey.

0:11 Chris Because that is essentially a horror, all you got to do is take out the comedy, and there we go, I'm all done.

0:11 Adam Yeah.

0:11 Chris Yeah, so, um, so I've changed the name to The Forecast, which still might be a little bit too gimmicky.

0:11 Chris You know, because really, well, what I'm going for though, really is, is this becomes bleak.

0:11 Chris You know, this is like,

0:11 Chris Uh, yeah, we strip out the comedy.

0:11 Adam You're, you're fully Requiem for a Dream in it.

0:11 Chris It is, is that is exactly where this is heading.

0:11 Chris And I was like, yeah, I did also realize, you know, about halfway through thinking through all this, it's a little bit Triangle.

0:12 Lee Yeah.

0:12 Adam Yes.

0:12 Chris Which is both very good, but I was like, oh, I kind of thought I had an original, but clearly that's gone into my mind as well, which totally makes sense, because that's also excellent.

0:12 Chris So, yeah, so the director, I've gone for Ari Aster, Midsommar.

0:12 Adam Nice.

0:12 Chris Yeah, that, I think he could, uh, he could certainly build to a bleak end.

0:12 Adam I was going to say if, if anyone can bleak, he can.

0:12 Chris Probably, yeah.

0:12 Chris Um, and I it took me a while, I, I ended up going for Bill Skarsgård and as Phil.

0:12 Lee Yeah.

0:12 Chris The reason is, I think he can do charming, um, I've seen him in a few things where he's actually really quite likeable.

0:12 Chris But he has done, um, a few where he's, I think he's got the right sort of hollowness, um, you could believe that he is starting to suffer, um, so he's like Nosferatu, I mean, essentially you could kind of take him from that and replay it.

0:12 Chris I think that would do.

0:12 Chris Um, here's where, because he has that sort of glibness.

0:12 Adam Yeah.

0:12 Chris Yeah.

0:12 Adam That, because that's the thing, he's obviously is the, you know, the whole, though Bill Murray, obviously, it's the same sort of thing where it's like, he starts off really shallow and.

0:12 Chris Yes, yeah.

0:12 Chris Which I don't think of Bill Skarsgård as as shallow, exactly, but I, I think it's not quite that, it's just a sort of a, a more serious, um, yeah, without the comedy again, really.

0:12 Chris Because, because that's the thing, Bill Murray, he can play someone who you're like, oh, you're not very nice, but you still find him, you know, charming.

0:12 Lee Charming somehow.

0:12 Chris Yeah, like there's, there's something that he can almost never get away from, really, no matter what he does.

0:12 Chris But, but yeah, and then next, Rita is our, what did you call her, Adam, she's now our patron saint of the podcast, Anya Taylor-Joy.

0:12 Chris Yeah.

0:12 Chris And again, I thought she, um, so Andie MacDowell is, you know, very likable.

0:13 Chris Yeah.

0:13 Chris In it, I want someone who is also likeable, but still got that seriousness against Bill Skarsgård.

0:13 Chris I thought actually she could probably do a pretty good job there.

0:13 Adam Yeah.

0:13 Chris Um, and for Larry, the cameraman, um, who was Chris Elliot, I went for Andrew Elias.

0:13 Lee Oh.

0:13 Adam Did you.

0:13 Lee Oh.

0:13 Chris Oh.

0:13 Lee Oh.

0:13 Chris So partially, of course, I was thinking, I want to, you know, let's have a look at the independent actors that we've seen.

0:13 Adam Busy lad.

0:13 Chris I thought, oh, actually, like, you know, it's not that they, they don't look the same, but there's something where they're, you know.

0:13 Chris Again, he's Andrew Elias likable, but could also play the serious side of it.

0:13 Chris So I was like, okay, yeah, he's pretty good.

0:13 Chris So, yeah, you totally ruined, ruined my, I'm thinking about that.

0:13 Lee I'm going first.

0:13 Chris I mean, we could, we could look at it as, you know, clearly.

0:13 Chris The right sort of things are rubbing off.

0:13 Adam Yes.

0:13 Adam Well, we'll, we'll go with a great.

0:13 Adam Great minds think alike and also be, Andrew Elias is fucking brilliant.

0:13 Adam So let's get him more stuff.

0:13 Chris Definitely.

0:13 Chris Uh, so yeah, so my, my summary is I'm refusing to let a feel-good comedy off the hook.

0:13 Chris The premise was always horror, Murray just made it funny and Ramus let him out at the end.

0:13 Chris Um, I do neither.

0:13 Chris The honest answer to what did you change, kind of nothing, we've got the same scenes, you know, but really the jokes aren't there.

0:13 Chris Um, and it just gets darker and darker, and I've stuck with the I Got You Babe.

0:13 Chris First play through is as it is and then we start to make it worse and worse as it replays, um, and I decided to go with, uh, Crylic, uh, who also played, um, I have now not written his name down.

0:13 Chris Bobby Crylic, that's it.

0:13 Adam Oh, the composer.

0:13 Chris Yes, yes, composer.

0:13 Chris So I figured he, he would do a good job, um, you know, there's not much, like unless I was going to change it a lot, there's not a lot of dark scenes in this, so yeah, to try and get that eeriness going, I think he could do that.

0:13 Adam It's, I, I think it's a brilliant idea, Chris, because I mean, because it, it should be a horror film.

0:13 Chris Yeah.

0:13 Adam And, and, you know, it's, it's just, it's just a literal turn of the screw with it, and you get a horror film.

0:13 Chris Yeah.

0:13 Adam And, yeah, it's, no, I think that's a fantastic idea.

0:14 Chris And it's, you know, it's like, yeah, what film would you like to see, I like that.

0:14 Adam And yeah, I also love the title, The Forecast is just, that is such a fucking horror title, that's like, I can see it now, A24.

0:14 Chris Oh, yeah.

0:14 Adam They got the forecast with Bill Skarsgård and Anya Taylor-Joy.

0:14 Adam Shit, I'm going to have to watch that.

0:14 Chris And, and there, and essentially, the, the end is.

0:14 Chris There is no way out, you are just repeating, no matter what you do, so, you know, you're, you're being.

0:14 Chris You're, you appear to, you think you're solving all the problems and you're progressing, but what actually once you've, once he's done the perfect day, it's still just bleak and he's just got to repeat.

0:14 Lee Yeah.

0:14 Adam Oh, man.

0:14 Adam That's fantastic.

0:14 Lee Oh, right.

0:14 Lee I can't believe you two had such similar ideas.

0:14 Chris Yeah.

0:14 Lee Okay, so for mine, my two honorable mentions, the ones I didn't go for, um, but I have still created poster art for them, so I will be sharing that at a later date.

0:14 Lee Um, I was going to go with The Karate Kid, um, Daniel LaRusso, while hanging around with Mr. Miyagi, finds his book of ancient Chinese black magic, uh, puts a curse on the Cobra Kai to kill them, doesn't realize that the next full moon they come back as zombies, and he still has to fight them, but now they're the undead.

0:14 Adam Oh, yeah.

0:14 Adam Oh, yeah.

0:14 Adam So they'd be, so they wouldn't be wearing skeleton costumes.

0:14 Adam They would literally be skeleton.

0:14 Lee Yeah, yeah.

0:14 Chris I mean, that sounds as much fun as the original.

0:14 Chris Also, I'd like to say, well done for picking a film that I've actually seen, because it turns out I'm that uncultured, I have not seen either Adam's or Jennifer's, only the Karate Kid.

0:14 Adam You haven't seen Jennifer's, because I've, I've seen Gone With The Wind because of Jennifer.

0:14 Chris You would have thought, you would have thought she would have forced that on me at some point, but apparently.

0:14 Jennifer She's in the, uh, what's the film, was in the.

0:14 Lee Orange, orange.

0:14 Jennifer Okay.

0:14 Jennifer There.

0:14 Chris I mean, to be fair, you made it sound like, you know, sounds like it's worth a watch, but um, but yeah, yeah, Lee, what else have you got?

0:14 Lee So my second honorable mention, uh, because again, it's one of my all-time favorites, I was going to go with The Goonies, um, but instead of the Fratellis chasing them, it's the ghost of, uh, One-Eyed Willy and his, uh, his crewmates.

0:15 Lee So basically, like a Scooby Doo type ghost pirates coming to chase them around.

0:15 Lee Um, yeah, again, I decided to go against that.

0:15 Lee So, I know Adam knows this incredibly well, but I don't know if Chris ever has, so I'm going to read you, I've written out the synopsis.

0:15 Chris Okay.

0:15 Lee As I would have it, and we'll see how long it takes.

0:15 Lee Adam, if you just say yes.

0:15 Adam Okay.

0:15 Lee When you've worked out what it is, Chris will find out if you've ever seen it.

0:15 Lee So it is a comedy horror, just to be clear.

0:15 Lee Two hapless friends who become rich during the early crypto boom and have a love for spaghetti westerns, buy an abandoned ghost town in which they play out their wild west fantasies.

0:15 Adam Yeah.

0:15 Lee The only other inhabitant is a stranger they hire to staff the saloon and hotel Bastardos.

0:15 Adam Yeah.

0:15 Lee However, the sound of gunfights, drinking and carousing awakens the undead outlaws of the town's Wild West heyday who rise from the dead to kill the varmints who have disturbed their cursed slumber.

0:15 Adam Fucking brilliant.

0:15 Lee Um, Chris, do you know what this is?

0:15 Chris I, I don't.

0:15 Lee Uh, so the the original was a Comic Strip Presents episode, uh, called a Fistful of Travelers Checks, which first aired on, uh, the 21st of January 1984.

0:15 Chris All right.

0:15 Lee Um, and the story is two, basically it's before like larping, but that's effectively what it is, what it is, two northerners who want to be gunslingers.

0:15 Lee So they go to Spain, um, with their great big six shooters full of blanks, and just wander around acting like they're in a spaghetti western and shooting the shit out of each other for no reason for the crack.

0:15 Lee And it's one of the funniest things ever put to celluloid.

0:15 Adam Yeah.

0:15 Chris Okay.

0:15 Chris I mean,

0:15 Chris it, it sounds a bit odd from just that paragraph, but, okay.

0:15 Lee It it yeah, it's just mental.

0:16 Lee Um, so I.

0:16 Adam I think, I think actually you've, you've actually brought more to it, because the original is, although it's brilliant, the original is such a weird fucking idea.

0:16 Adam Like, especially like you say, because it is, thinking about it, you're right, it is pre-larping, but it is basically two cosplayers go on holiday to like Spain to pretend to be in a spaghetti western.

0:16 Chris Yeah, out as like, yeah, as real as possible.

0:16 Adam And the sort of people they meet along the way.

0:16 Adam But yeah, that would be, oh, yeah.

0:16 Adam No, I, I, fuck me, you know I'd be out for that, I'd definitely want to see that.

0:16 Lee Uh, so I've titled it a fistful of crypto.

0:16 Adam Oh, nice.

0:16 Lee Um, which made me laugh particularly as it's a non-physical, uh, currency, so you can't have a fistful of crypto, that made me laugh even more.

0:16 Lee Um, so I would have it directed by Ade Edmondson, because I'd want the original feel.

0:16 Lee So Rick Mayall and Peter Richardson's character, I have replaced with the fantastic double act, I'm going to forgive their last movie and we shall never speak of it again.

0:16 Lee Um, I've got Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.

0:16 Adam Oh.

0:16 Lee They gun slingers.

0:16 Chris Wait, what, what was their last movie?

0:16 Lee Uh, so their last one, they did a Sherlock Holmes movie that was awful.

0:16 Lee They were good in it, well no, they were, it was awful, but if anybody else, if anybody else had made it, it would, I mean it is unwatchable as it is.

0:16 Lee But like Step Brothers and everything, if you go back to that, they are amazing.

0:16 Adam They would, they would be perfect.

0:16 Lee Yes.

0:16 Adam But in those roles, because that's just, it would feel, like you say, it would almost be like an extension of how they are as Step Brothers.

0:16 Lee Yes.

0:16 Adam It's just.

0:16 Lee Oh, man.

0:16 Lee That's what they jumped straight to mine.

0:16 Lee Uh, so I'm replacing Keith Allen's character who runs the saloon and the hotel, I'm getting Bruce Campbell in.

0:16 Adam Of course.

0:16 Lee Yeah.

0:16 Chris Nice work.

0:16 Chris I, I wanted to use him, I, I couldn't quite see it, but so at least I didn't copy you in that one.

0:16 Lee Um, and for our gang of, uh, undead cowboys, I've got Jason Momoa as the lead, as the gang leader.

0:17 Lee Um, and for the rest of the gang, I've got Johnny Knoxville.

0:17 Adam Nice.

0:17 Lee Uh, Sean William Scott, who is Stifler from American Pie.

0:17 Lee Uh.

0:17 Lee Uh, Matthew Lillard, obviously from Scream and Scooby Doo.

0:17 Lee Yeah.

0:17 Lee Uh, I've gone with Sean Wayans, I thought he'd be brilliant from the scary movies, and I'm going to give him a gun, sir.

0:17 Adam Oh, yes, yes.

0:17 Lee Uh, and, uh, uh, Giovanni Ribisi, sorry.

0:17 Lee Because I can't get enough of Giovanni Ribisi.

0:17 Lee And I'd like to see him in everything.

0:17 Adam I can't place him.

0:17 Lee Um, he is in Ted, he's the creepy guy in Ted who tries to steal the who does the weird dance to, is it.

0:17 Lee I think we're alone now by Tiffany or something.

0:17 Lee He does that weird dancing in front of the TV, which is.

0:17 Adam Yes, but I, I know, yeah.

0:17 Adam I know the guy you mean now, yes, sorry.

0:17 Lee He's fantastic.

0:17 Lee Um, and just to keep in with you guys, I think we should add Andrew Elias to that as well.

0:17 Adam Yeah.

0:17 Chris Yeah.

0:17 Adam Yeah.

0:17 Adam That's what we need.

0:17 Adam We need just this is the the full blown, this is the full blown Andrew Elias, uh, trilogy.

0:17 Lee Yes.

0:17 Adam Yeah.

0:17 Chris Yeah.

0:17 Lee Yeah.

0:17 Lee Um, and I, I've knocked up a copy of the, um, the cover.

0:17 Chris Mhm.

0:17 Lee Which I shall show you now and we can share it at a later date.

0:17 Lee So, nice.

0:17 Adam That's the poster art.

0:17 Adam Mhm.

0:17 Lee And the ones that I didn't go for.

0:17 Adam Oh, man.

0:17 Lee The ones that I didn't go for.

0:17 Lee That's my Karate Kid one.

0:17 Lee And that's my Goonies one.

0:17 Chris Yeah.

0:17 Adam Oh, fantastic.

0:17 Adam Well, I, I, um, I availed myself of, uh, my, my beautiful wife's artistic skills, and she has done a Long Good Beltane poster for us.

0:17 Lee Oh, amazing.

0:17 Adam Based on, based on the original, but with, um, Tom Hardy, and, and your Taylor Joy, Keith David and Andrew Elias poster.

0:17 Lee Yeah.

0:17 Adam So, yes.

0:17 Adam Yeah.

0:17 Adam Yeah.

0:17 Adam So, yeah.

0:17 Adam So we can share that.

0:17 Lee Nice.

0:17 Chris Yeah.

0:17 Lee I'm looking forward to it.

0:17 Adam Obviously, when I was talking, when I was reading up to this.

0:17 Adam Also, Claire put in her bid if you'd like to hear.

0:17 Lee Yes, 100%.

0:17 Adam So, Claire went with My Neighbor Totoro.

0:17 Lee Oh.

0:17 Chris Nice.

0:17 Lee Hey.

0:17 Adam Uh, and this is the plot.

0:17 Adam The children are fully grown women who have regressed into childhood after years of slow poisoning from an evil man who kidnapped them, convinced them he's their father, and that they are still small children.

0:18 Lee Oh, right.

0:18 Adam Their hallucinations start small, seeing shadows, soot sprites in the new decrepit home where they are being held.

0:18 Adam Their shared psychosis gets more extreme as the film goes on, leading up to a vision of a giant forest monster called Totoro.

0:18 Lee Yeah.

0:18 Adam Their mother isn't their mother, but their friend who escaped and is in hospital because she tried to explain to the authorities she was that she was kidnapped and what she had seen, including Totoro, and got sectioned.

0:18 Lee Oh.

0:18 Adam And, and actually the, the, the sort of the monsters and everything, basically there to try and help the girls see through and escape.

0:18 Adam Um, she's also put the notes, flexible on director and cast, but Totoro must be voiced by Christopher Walken.

0:18 Lee Oh.

0:18 Chris Nice.

0:18 Adam And she will, basically, that was because it's Christopher Walken, she just wants to hear how many ways he'll find to say Totoro.

0:18 Lee Oh.

0:18 Adam Oh.

0:18 Adam You know.

0:18 Adam And, uh, she will sell production rights for 130 mil.

0:18 Lee Nice.

0:18 Chris Nice.

0:18 Lee Oh.

0:18 Adam There we go.

0:18 Adam Nice right.

0:18 Lee Nice.

0:18 Adam Yeah.

0:18 Adam Yeah.

0:18 Adam Yeah.

0:18 Adam So, um, yeah, I think we're.

0:18 Adam I think we'll be okay.

0:18 Adam Yeah.

0:18 Adam So, um, yeah, I think we'll be.

0:18 Adam I think we're good.

0:18 Adam So, um, yeah, I think we're.

0:18 Adam I think we're good.

0:18 Adam So, um, yeah.

0:18 Adam So.

0:18 Adam Uh, obviously we'll find a.

0:18 Adam We'll find a role in there for for Andrew Elias.

0:18 Lee Yeah.

0:18 Chris Yeah.

0:18 Lee Oh.

0:18 Lee Excellent, yeah, so I, like I know we, we sort of discussed this and on a, when we finished recording our last episode.

0:18 Lee Um, and I, and I'm like, once I started, I got so into it, I was like, oh my God, this is, this is never going to be a film now.

0:18 Adam Yeah.

0:18 Adam It's, it's quite, it's, it's horrible that you can create these.

0:18 Adam And then you're like, damn, I'm never going to see this.

0:18 Chris Aside from him sharing some of the same actors, we've actually come out with kind of four different, or five different styles.

0:18 Adam Oh, absolutely, yeah.

0:18 Adam And I think that's gonna, you know, I, I mean, I, I tell you what, it's a hell of a box set.

0:18 Lee Yeah.

0:18 Chris Yeah.

0:18 Lee Oh, yeah.

0:19 Lee Well, have a marathon at the Prince Charles.

0:19 Lee That's what we'll do.

0:19 Lee Well done, gentlemen and Jennifer, that was, uh, yeah.

0:19 Lee Yeah.

0:19 Lee Good fun.

0:19 Lee Um, and I would definitely watch all of those films.

0:19 Adam Yes.

0:19 Lee Yes.

0:19 Lee Or maybe not Chris's one, because I think it would be a little bit too bleak for me.

0:19 Chris You can, you could start with it and then, you know.

0:19 Jennifer You'll second them.

0:19 Chris And, and on yours.

0:19 Lee Correct, correct.

0:19 Lee Yeah.

0:19 Lee Um, right, so, uh, we'll be back in a fortnight, ladies and gentlemen.

0:19 Lee Uh, what are we covering next, Adam?

0:19 Lee We talked about a couple of things last week, didn't we?

0:19 Adam We did, can't remember a single bloody one of them.

0:19 Lee Troll Hunter was one.

0:19 Adam Troll Hunter, yeah.

0:19 Adam Yes, uh, well, should we do Troll Hunter?

0:19 Lee Yeah, let's go with that.

0:19 Lee I mean like.

0:19 Adam I haven't seen that in a long, long time, and I, I, I'm hoping that it's still as bloody good as I remember.

0:19 Lee Yeah.

0:19 Adam Uh, is it a new one for you, Chris?

0:19 Chris So, so it's actually not, but um, I, I did watch it for a re-watching, um, a while ago.

0:19 Jennifer I think Chris, you should watch Gone With The Wind.

0:19 Chris Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.

0:19 Chris But I think it was definitely a good one to discuss fully, and it, it doesn't hurt for me to watch it again.

0:19 Adam Yeah.

0:19 Adam It shouldn't, it shouldn't hurt for you to watch.

0:19 Chris I seem to remember it was very good.

0:19 Lee Oh, yeah, and we then, uh, the other one we mentioned was Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

0:19 Adam Oh, yes, yes.

0:19 Adam Because it's, um, same director as, uh, Dead Snow.

0:19 Lee That's right, yeah, yeah.

0:19 Adam Yes.

0:19 Adam Okay.

0:19 Adam Yeah, would you, do you want to do that one first or do you want to do Troll Hunter?

0:19 Lee I don't know.

0:19 Lee Should we, would you want to do Hansel & Gretel and then we'll do Troll Hunter only because that way it gives you a little bit more of a break before Chris watches Troll Hunter again.

0:19 Adam That's true, yeah, probably a good idea.

0:19 Lee Excellent, right.

0:19 Adam Champion.

0:19 Chris It's probably, it's probably like five years ago now, but there you go.

0:19 Lee Yeah.

0:19 Lee Excellent, right.

0:19 Lee So, go and check out Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

0:19 Lee Uh, go and check or not the things that we've talked about, because obviously they don't exist.

0:19 Lee But if you haven't seen the originals, yeah, do.

0:19 Lee Because they're all good.

0:19 Adam And I was good.

0:19 Adam And I was going to say, if you guys have got any films that you want to see a remake of a film that isn't a horror, turn it into a horror, do you you'd cast it, you know, just send us, send us a message at the usual places, Instagram or the, uh, uh, the website.

0:19 Adam And, uh, and we'll read them out, yeah.

0:19 Lee Yeah, definitely.

0:19 Lee Yeah, I love other people's ideas.

0:19 Lee That'd be fantastic.

0:19 Jennifer I've already got some from when I was asking people at work what I could do.

0:20 Lee Yeah.

0:20 Jennifer So.

0:20 Adam Oh, nice.

0:20 Lee Oh, right.

0:20 Lee Stockpiling by the right.

0:20 Jennifer Absolutely.

0:20 Jennifer I think musicals for horror.

0:20 Lee Oh.

0:20 Lee I think musicals are horror for me, so yeah, we'll go.

0:20 Chris Yeah.

0:20 Lee Yeah.

0:20 Lee Yeah.

0:20 Chris Lee'll try not to.

0:20 Lee Oh.

0:20 Chris Think about that too much.

0:20 Lee Oh.

0:20 Lee Right, thanks ever so much for listening everybody, and good night.

0:20 Chris Good night.

0:20 Jennifer Good night.